I'm eating all of the evidence.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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