When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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