He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
