I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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