My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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