no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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