That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
