Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
