You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
