He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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