my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
