tell your sister to shave her snatch
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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