a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
