i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
