She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
