this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
