Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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