As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
