I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
