Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Rumble strips road head = magical
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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