2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
