WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
