I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
