The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
