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I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
