I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
