All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I got inside last night via doggy door
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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