I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
