id be glad to
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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