Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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