My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
