whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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