I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
