Your dad touched me again.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
