Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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