You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Randomize
