Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just gargled with NyQuil
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
