He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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