Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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