Where is the hickey?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
