Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
