this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
