I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
