I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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