she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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