Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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