Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
