well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
