I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
