I think I just saw someone hide a body.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
