Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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