you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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